Taking Action
Okay, you have picked out a woman in the crowd who interests you, and you think she may be interested in you also, judging by that shy little smile she gives you when your eyes meet. Now, how can you make contact and start out on the right foot? The easiest and most direct approach is to ask her to dance (obviously the club you are in must have a dance floor with music). Try to make sure you ask her at the beginning of a song played by the disc jockey, juke box, or band – usually women do not like to be asked to dance towards the middle or end of a song – they might find it embarrassing to walk up to the floor alone. Try to make sure it is a popular tune – sometimes the song might be outdated or just unappealing to her, and when you ask her to dance she may get a negative impression of your taste in music. You want to start out with her in the best possible light, so make sure the setting is good. Your best chance to get a woman to dance with you is to ask her when there is a very popular tune playing, where just about every woman in the bar is jumping on the dance floor, and there is lots if energy and excitement going on. This is the very best time to ask her! If she is swaying to the music, this is often a good positive indication that she would like to dance.
Okay, now let’s say that you have not been receiving any come hither looks from any women that night, but there is a woman standing near you that you would like to ask to dance. You are really attracted to her but scared to death that she might turn you down for a dance. Your confidence is now at an all time low, and song after song has gone by without you asking her. What should you do? What you need is a strong dose of confidence. Convince yourself that the next song (if it is a good one) you will ask her to dance, come hell or high water. Take a walk around the bar, get another drink (don’t get wasted through), get control of yourself, tell someone that you are going to ask her – then do it! No matter how nervous you are – if your knees are knocking, your stomach weak – you have got to take the risk!!
This may be the scariest moment in your life – taking the chance that she may turn you down (maybe with friends and others noticing) and therefore reinforce your now lower confidence and self-esteem. You need to change your whole way of thinking on this. You will have to learn to develop thick skin, just like a salesman who gets turned down time after time. What keeps him going? The sweet smell of success – money! Once you start having successes with women, and you will, these will stick in your mind and feed your motivational fire to make you look at rejection as part of the process and just a minor retraction from your goals. Expect to be turned down some percentage of the time and do not let them get to you – just keep plugging towards the “yes” response.
Let’s say for a moment that the worst situation occurs. Every woman you approach turns you down for a dance and appears not interested when you try to start a conversation. It is now time to step back and analyze the situation. See if other men that night are also being turned away by the same women you approached. If they are being turned down, maybe it is just a bad night with women in bad moods (it happens sometimes), and people just are not into the scene that night. There may be a sever mismatch of people there that night (backgrounds are too diverse), or maybe the weather has everyone’s spirits down. Maybe the band is lousy, or there are not enough people there, or maybe a fight broke out earlier. There could be a whole host of reasons why people may not be in meeting moods that night in that particular bar.
Let’s say that you have noticed that the same women that turned you down last night are accepting offers from other guys. Look at these men very closely. Are they dressed differently from you? See how they are approaching the women – do they ask them to dance, or do they try to carry on a conversation? You could be in bar where everyone knows each other (town watering hole) and where strangers are greeted with cold rejection. Listen to conversations – what are they talking about? If you notice differences between the men who are successful and yourself, you may want to adopt there dress, look, and/or approach. You may want to go home, change clothes, or go to another bar. The idea here is to mimic success, but only if it feels right for you.
Another action approach you might take if you have not been as successful as you would like, is to change your standards with women until you become successful. Generally speaking, most average to less than average looking women will be easier to meet than the gorgeous ones. In order for less attractive women to be successful at meeting men, they usually have developed other areas in their lives, such as conversational abilities, outgoing personalities, receptiveness, etc. Why always go after the gorgeous or super sexy women –what about the other 95 percent of the women there who are not so attractive but are anxious to meet you? Would you buy a car just because it is good looking – what about performance, mileage, engine shape, etc. – are not these qualities just as important? Try out the not so sexy women to you, you may be pleasantly surprised, or at least you will learn how to carry on a conversation with a woman.
Men have a tendency to pursue gorgeous, sexy women much more so than the less attractive ones. They may not even notice the other 95 percent. Try to meet the other 95 percent. Why follow the crowd? Why not go for the ones where there is less competition from other men? You may find more reception and better conversation. Unless it is the end of the night and no phone numbers are in their pockets, a lot of men just will not approach average looking women – they might feel embarrassed in front of their friends to be seen with a not so gorgeous woman. I say forget what your friends think or say (they are probably jealous anyway) if you meet a less than gorgeous woman – at the end of the night you will have a phone number, you probably had a great time with her, and have made future pans. What do your friends have – a lousy time, were turned down by all the good lookers, and spent a fortune on drinks drowning their sorrows. When meeting women, do not go for what your friends want – go for the women you want to meet and forget about your friends – they are not going out with them.
