Knowledge of Self
Successfully meeting women in bars is the result of a well thought out selling strategy. You (the product) are selling yourself in the marketplace (the bar) to the market (the women in the bar). A good selling strategy is one built upon a solid knowledge of your competition (other men) and how you can compete against them.
A good salesman knows his product well and why his product is better than his competitors’ (or at least has a good story). So, in the bar situation, you must know yourself well and how you can successfully market yourself to women. A good car salesman will talk all day about the car’s good points but will never tell you about its problems (recalls, transmission problems, etc.) or its high price relative to the lot down the street. You must do the same with women — emphasize your good points, do not talk about your weaknesses. Try to really confront the question of why women would be interested and attracted to you. Write them down and play up to these in the bar.
There are many, many attributes in men which appeal to women. All women are different and are attracted to men for an incredible variety of reasons. You must attempt to find out what qualities in yourself, when emphasized and marketed, will attract and hold a woman’s attention.
Let’s review some attributes in men that women find attractive — think about yours as you read:
Good Looks
If you are good looking, most, if not all women, would be attracted to you. Of course this is individual taste, where some think you are handsome and others may think you are not. However, I think most of us know whether we are good looking or not, based on comments we have received from other people. Being good looking is certainly a desirable trait to have in meeting women.
Good Dresser
This is another attribute of a physical nature which many women find extremely attractive in a man. If you wear clothes that indicate good taste and good breeding, and which fit well, often times women will be very attracted to you, even if you do not have a good body to match.
Good Conversationalist
Very often, you will see very physically unattractive men who will attract women in droves because they are so conversant, full of life, articulate, and are good story tellers. This trait may be the most important trait to have in meeting women — you have got to converse with women effectively to get phone numbers.
Intelligent
Lots of women like intelligent men who have lots of good ideas and can think. Women are impressed and fascinated by an intelligent man who can demonstrate his brain power inoffensively.
Fun Loving
Some women go for guys who love to party, have fun, and in general have a good time. If a guy is fun to be with, other attributes may not be important at all — it’s just party time!
Talented
Lots of women are attracted to men who are talented at something. Whether it be a good mechanic, musician, artist, athlete, salesman, or bar tender. Talent in a given area can be very attractive attributes in a man. Try to let your woman listener know what your talents are. (Do not overdo it, though.)
Wealthy
Almost all women are attracted to men with wealth or the potential for wealth. Sometimes it may be the all important trait — it is something perceived to be closely tied with success and happiness. But I think none of us would want someone who just loves us for our money. But money can certainly impress females.
Interesting
Women love men who are interesting. Maybe the gentleman has lived all over the world, lived through an incredible event, met unusual people, had an exciting job, works with world famous people, etc., etc. A man who is interesting can keep a woman’s interest for a long, long time.
Happy
Women love men who project happiness and really enjoy life. A happy, smiling man can own a woman’s heart in no time.
The above list of attributes is by no means complete. There are many other attributes in men which women find attractive. List out your attributes and capitalize on them when you are meeting women.
Say that for a minute you do not possess some of the qualities we have talked about — what can you do? Weaknesses or deficiencies in these areas can be overcome or deemphasized. Let’s take each attribute we have talked about and come up with a strategy for dealing with it even if you are not strong in these areas.
Looks
Let’s say for purposes of discussion that you are physically very unattractive. In this case, you would have to sell your other, more important traits, or do something to improve your looks. I once worked with a woman who had an extremely unattractive face, however, she really made up for it by emphasizing other areas. She worked on her body at the gym so much that all the men in the office agreed that she had the best body in the building. Always tanned in the summer, she wore very sexy clothes and had developed an incredible walk. She wore a stunning hair style so that the attention was taken away from her face. Lots of men asked her out. Good looks are not the most important quality, but certainly help in attracting women. If you don’t have good looks, work on your body, your dress, your hair, and develop your other attributes. Neutralize your appearance, if you can. Also, do not rule out plastic surgery and other medical procedures which could improve your looks immensely. The expense to do these things may be well worth it in terms of your happiness.
Dress
If you are not a good dresser, at least attempt to develop a wardrobe that is at least neutral to the observing eye. Poor dress can totally turn off a woman, especially if everyone around you is well dressed. Learn to dress well by observing well dressed men in the bars or clipping out pictures of well dressed men in magazines and imitating their styles. If money is a problem, try to concentrate on fit and proper color matching rather than materials quality. Often, if clothes fit well, quality is not noticed. If your body size or shape is a problem, you should at least try to gain or lose weight, or work out to get to a more normal size. If you cannot gain or lose weight, try to wear clothes that are neutral in color and style, forego flashy outfits that would call attention to your body.
Conversation
This is one area that is extremely important in meeting women in bars. It is virtually impossible to meet women without being a least a fair conversationalist unless your other traits, such as good looks or dress, can mesmerize them. To be a good conversationalist you must be flexible enough so that you can direct your conversation to the type of woman you are talking to. If you are quiet, for example, you would probably want to attract a talkative woman, so that conversation could flow. It would be very difficult to keep up a lively conversation if both of you were quiet and at a loss for words. You can find a talkative women by listening in on conversations of women in a group — she will be easy to pick out if you casually stand near the group. Try talking with various women until you find a talkative one. If you tend to talk too much, you would probably want to find a quiet woman who would be delighted to hear good, long stories. It might be difficult for two people who both talk a lot to get along — or maybe not. So much if the ability to converse is recognizing and developing your shortcomings and working on them with practice, through trial and error. Keep trying various styles of communication until you find the ones that work for you. You will be able to judge how well your talent is developing by the woman’s attention span and her desire to further get to know you.
