Goal Setting
Whether you are aware of it or not, when you set out to one of those nocturnal establishments, you usually have some goals or objectives in mind. These goals, which you set for yourself consciously or unconsciously, may change during the course of the evening for a variety of reasons, any one of which may relate to your progress towards achieving your objective.
Let’s think of some objectives we may have in going out to a nightclub: to find a sexual partner for the evening, to find a nice girl for a possible, future serious relationship, to hear a good band, to get wasted, to get a phone number, to dance up a storm, to meet the elusive blond that got way last Friday night, to slow dance with a girl possessing a great body, to make the scene, to have some fun, to do some serious drinking, to get out of the house, to gawk at all the foxes, to rank the patrons with your friends, etc., etc.
I think you will agree that the real objective for people going to nightclubs, even though there are other reasons for going, is to meet someone, to form some sort of relationship. This relationship can vary significantly from a short term fling to a long term romance. Let’s explore the various relationship lengths versus what you specifically are interested in.
Short Term Relationship
Here the objective might be to meet a woman for the evening. Maybe you just need an intense sex or conversation dosage for that evening only, for whatever the reason. Maybe you just broke up with someone and you do not want to get too involved with anyone. Anyway, you just want to score, to get a sexual partner that night. This is probably one of the most difficult objectives to accomplish. You are going to have to be aggressive, quick to decide whether or not to pursue or not pursue each encounter, probably be less choosy in the woman’s looks/personality, and constantly be aware of your desire to close. On the other hand, you may just want to pursue a woman with whom you just want some good conversation. You may feel an all consuming desire to relate your latest promotion, vacation, or life story to some lucky female. You have an intense desire to communicate with a woman that evening, and it cannot wait. In this case you still may have to be somewhat aggressive; however, the woman’s receptive personality is much more important to you than her gyrating body.
Medium Term Relationship
Here, again, for whatever reasons you care to insert, you may just want to meet a fun loving girl to have a few dates with, nothing serious, just a good time. Maybe the type of woman you would like to settle with is hard to find, so you just want to be with someone moderately compatible for short periods of time in the interim from your long term search. In looking for a medium range relationship, the important qualifications in your ideal woman could be missing entirely. Maybe you just want some shorter term fun and hopefully so would she. Your approach towards meeting an objective of this sort may be less aggressive with more tolerance towards personality differences. It may take you a number of nights to get a phone number, but so what? You are in no hurry and have no real need to have something that evening. A lot of pressure is off you in this situation; you don’t absolutely have to do anything that night in terms of meeting someone.
Long Term Relationship
The objective in this situation may be to find and develop a long term relationship, possibly a live-in arrangement or marriage. You probably would be very quality conscious here, making sure that your potential mate has all or most of the attributes which you find important. A lot of people believe that bars are not the places to find marriage partners, and relationships that started in bars do not last. I do not agree with these outlooks. A very high percent of all people who form relationships met in bars. Most women, no matter how they have been brought up, will at least occasionally go to a bar. Most women who go to bars are your ordinary, average women, who are not “bad girls.” There are plenty of “nice” girls who go to bars regularly for many assorted reasons. People should not concentrate on where or how they met – they should concentrate on the qualities of the person they are talking to and whether or not they are compatible. Anyway, the objective of wanting to meet a female for a long term relationship usually is a long term objective. You cannot expect to meet the woman of your dreams every time you go out. It could take years to meet the right one for you. In a bar, this is a situation with the least amount of pressure on yourself. You don’t care that particular night whether you meet someone or not because your standards are high. The process of meeting someone is a slower, more patient one in this case. Of course, there are those of us who want to quickly get into a long term relationship – this may not be a good idea considering the divorce rate these days.
Decide where you are in terms of what length relationship you want, and adjust your behavior accordingly in the bar situation. How aggressive on a given night you need to be depends on your short and long term goals.
