Taking Action (Cont.)
Another action-orientated approach is to go for women who you ordinarily would not be attracted to – a different type. For example, you may only like blondes. But if you have been unsuccessful in meeting blondes, why not go for brunettes – you may be pleasantly surprised how narrow minded you have been. Maybe you have only approach fashion plates. Why not try out a woman who is a little out-dated in her dress. You may find that you really like her and could buy a couple of outfits that you like on her (if she is receptive, of course, to this idea). Try a scholarly looking female for a change, see if your luck changes. Experiment with different types until you succeed. To do this you may have to change your regular bar stops. By going to different bars you may find a greater variety of women which will increase your chances of meeting someone different.
Let’s switch gears here for a minute. Let’s say you have picked out a woman you would like to meet and would prefer to start a conversation with her as opposed to asking her to dance. Let’s further say that you are tongue tied and do not know what to say. This is where keen observation and listening skills come into play. Try to notice something about her that makes her stand out from the rest of the women, something unusual. Look at her clothing, her walk, her features, her friends, her mannerisms, her jewelry, her drink. Does she look foreign or sophisticated? Try to find something interesting about her. Think of a way to humor her or complement her in a genuine way. Do not dwell on and worry about your first statement or question to her. You don’t have to make a 5 or 10 minute sales pitch on yourself. Approach her as a person with feelings and emotion who wants to meet a man. Conversations, by definition, are two-way streets – one listens, one talks. You do not have to be the one that talks 90 percent of the time. Often times good listeners are considered to be good conversationalists although they may not say much. You will be much more successful with her by just saying something spontaneous than agonizing over a first “good line.” Many men feel that to impress a woman you must be a great “bullshit artist” who can easily talk about their own business, land in Florida, Mercedes or sports accomplishments. Nothing could be further from the truth – don’t you think the woman would realize that all he said was bullshit and become turned off. You are much better off gearing your conversation towards getting to know her, having a nice give and take conversation, and forgetting about “bullshitting her.”
Approach the whole idea of talking to a woman like you are conversing with a friend. Women are people with feelings, desires, and faults also. Do not put them up on a pedestal, no matter how beautiful or intelligent. Look at them as equals and treat them as such and you will be much more successful. Women realize that it can be difficult to start a conversation with someone new, and therefore realize that the most intelligent, well thought out statement is probably not your first one, and poorly executed first statements may be just initial nervousness. The first hurdle to get over is the opening statement to her. Do not worry about it – say what is on your mind – be spontaneous. There is always time to restate or clarify it later on in the conversation. Tell her that you find it difficult to start a conversation with a new person – they will appreciate it if you say it like you mean it. It could also put them at ease also – they might be nervous meeting new people also. There are so many men who believe the opening remark is the most important, most rewarding, and most scrutinized saying by women – this is not true. Just say anything that comes to your head, if it sounds corny just laugh it off. Also, do not view meeting each woman you approach as the last and only. There are millions of fish in the sea, and if one doesn’t appreciate you, there are others who will.
In a given bar, you are almost assured of meeting women who are difficult to deal with. There are bitches everywhere, expect to run into quite a few of them. You are going to have to develop a mind set which says that some percentage (might be high some nights, low others) of the women you attempt to start conversations with will make it difficult by being unbelievably rude, crude, insensitive, immature, drunk, sarcastic, conceited, unpredictable, weird, stupid, on drugs, have a boyfriend, hate men, are asexual, bisexual, narcissistic, only talk to people they know, barflys, regulars, like only beach boys and bartenders, just broke up with their boyfriend, just went through a divorce, bikers, rich bitches, groupies, disco ducks, body builders, bookworms, have herpes, and just plain do not like your looks. Learn to recognize instantly that it may not be worth meeting one of these types if she is giving you a hard time. Move on quickly to someone else – this will ease the pain a lot more rather than banging your head against the wall all night. There are lots of women who may not particularly like you, and will inform you at 2:00 a.m. that they have a boyfriend, after you have spent $35 on drinks for her. The message here is to be very aware of how your conversation is going – if she is being difficult, move on – say you will see her later.
Do not let the fact that there are bitches out there scare you off. There are too many nice women in the world for you to give up on them – do not forget this. When you approach a woman, think that there is a 90 percent chance that she is nice, and just have in the back of your mind the fact that there is a 10 percent chance she is not so nice. In this way, you will put things into a proper perspective and you will not shy away from meeting women.
In the course of your bar travels you certainly will meet women who are fun loving, cute, fun to be with, intelligent, anxious to meet men, love men, sexy, good conversationalists, lively, interesting, nice, gently, normal, maybe a little high, have no diseases, a little envious, shy, trendy but not too trendy, are receptive to your advances, horny, affectionate, and all the things you would want in a woman. There are lots and lots of your type women to be met, so concentrate on that and believe it! You will certainly run into snakes once in a while, but when you reach your garden, it will be all worth it. Don’t think it is worth a few embarrassing rejections to meet a women you can really have a good time with? Your prior rejections with other women will soon be forgotten with the fun you will be having with your new friend. Always think positive and keep good thoughts in your mind, and things will happen as long as you take action! Think about all the good that can happen – this is the great motivator.
Okay, you have picked out a woman in the crowd who interests you, and you think she may be interested in you also, judging by that shy little smile she gives you when your eyes meet. Now, how can you make contact and start out on the right foot? The easiest and most direct approach is to ask her to dance (obviously the club you are in must have a dance floor with music). Try to make sure you ask her at the beginning of a song played by the disc jockey, juke box, or band – usually women do not like to be asked to dance towards the middle or end of a song – they might find it embarrassing to walk up to the floor alone. Try to make sure it is a popular tune – sometimes the song might be outdated or just unappealing to her, and when you ask her to dance she may get a negative impression of your taste in music. You want to start out with her in the best possible light, so make sure the setting is good. Your best chance to get a woman to dance with you is to ask her when there is a very popular tune playing, where just about every woman in the bar is jumping on the dance floor, and there is lots if energy and excitement going on. This is the very best time to ask her! If she is swaying to the music, this is often a good positive indication that she would like to dance.
Okay, now let’s say that you have not been receiving any come hither looks from any women that night, but there is a woman standing near you that you would like to ask to dance. You are really attracted to her but scared to death that she might turn you down for a dance. Your confidence is now at an all time low, and song after song has gone by without you asking her. What should you do? What you need is a strong dose of confidence. Convince yourself that the next song (if it is a good one) you will ask her to dance, come hell or high water. Take a walk around the bar, get another drink (don’t get wasted through), get control of yourself, tell someone that you are going to ask her – then do it! No matter how nervous you are – if your knees are knocking, your stomach weak – you have got to take the risk!!
This may be the scariest moment in your life – taking the chance that she may turn you down (maybe with friends and others noticing) and therefore reinforce your now lower confidence and self-esteem. You need to change your whole way of thinking on this. You will have to learn to develop thick skin, just like a salesman who gets turned down time after time. What keeps him going? The sweet smell of success – money! Once you start having successes with women, and you will, these will stick in your mind and feed your motivational fire to make you look at rejection as part of the process and just a minor retraction from your goals. Expect to be turned down some percentage of the time and do not let them get to you – just keep plugging towards the “yes” response.
Let’s say for a moment that the worst situation occurs. Every woman you approach turns you down for a dance and appears not interested when you try to start a conversation. It is now time to step back and analyze the situation. See if other men that night are also being turned away by the same women you approached. If they are being turned down, maybe it is just a bad night with women in bad moods (it happens sometimes), and people just are not into the scene that night. There may be a sever mismatch of people there that night (backgrounds are too diverse), or maybe the weather has everyone’s spirits down. Maybe the band is lousy, or there are not enough people there, or maybe a fight broke out earlier. There could be a whole host of reasons why people may not be in meeting moods that night in that particular bar.
Let’s say that you have noticed that the same women that turned you down last night are accepting offers from other guys. Look at these men very closely. Are they dressed differently from you? See how they are approaching the women – do they ask them to dance, or do they try to carry on a conversation? You could be in bar where everyone knows each other (town watering hole) and where strangers are greeted with cold rejection. Listen to conversations – what are they talking about? If you notice differences between the men who are successful and yourself, you may want to adopt there dress, look, and/or approach. You may want to go home, change clothes, or go to another bar. The idea here is to mimic success, but only if it feels right for you.
Another action approach you might take if you have not been as successful as you would like, is to change your standards with women until you become successful. Generally speaking, most average to less than average looking women will be easier to meet than the gorgeous ones. In order for less attractive women to be successful at meeting men, they usually have developed other areas in their lives, such as conversational abilities, outgoing personalities, receptiveness, etc. Why always go after the gorgeous or super sexy women –what about the other 95 percent of the women there who are not so attractive but are anxious to meet you? Would you buy a car just because it is good looking – what about performance, mileage, engine shape, etc. – are not these qualities just as important? Try out the not so sexy women to you, you may be pleasantly surprised, or at least you will learn how to carry on a conversation with a woman.
Men have a tendency to pursue gorgeous, sexy women much more so than the less attractive ones. They may not even notice the other 95 percent. Try to meet the other 95 percent. Why follow the crowd? Why not go for the ones where there is less competition from other men? You may find more reception and better conversation. Unless it is the end of the night and no phone numbers are in their pockets, a lot of men just will not approach average looking women – they might feel embarrassed in front of their friends to be seen with a not so gorgeous woman. I say forget what your friends think or say (they are probably jealous anyway) if you meet a less than gorgeous woman – at the end of the night you will have a phone number, you probably had a great time with her, and have made future pans. What do your friends have – a lousy time, were turned down by all the good lookers, and spent a fortune on drinks drowning their sorrows. When meeting women, do not go for what your friends want – go for the women you want to meet and forget about your friends – they are not going out with them.
While you are prospecting, you should be looking for good meeting situations, such as: Two women are together and one gets asked to dance and moves on – does her partner look uncomfortable being alone, or does she have a longing to dance (swaying to the music). If the answer is yes, get in there. Look for situations where a woman is begin bothered by an unwelcome male – this could be a situation where you could be a Good Samaritan, and your request to dance would be met with open, gracious arms. Look for women who are alone for the evening (did not come with anyone) – often they are much more receptive since they are more motivated to meet someone. Be arwae of approaching groups of women – often they stick together and dot no separate.
In your prospecting efforts try not to fall for what may appear to be good choices but really may not be: sexpots, large breasts, skin-tight pants, lots of makeup, tons of perfume, sexy walks can throw you. Often times when you cut through the smoke screens on these women you don’t find much in the way of getting along. They often can be like candy, sweet but not good for you.
Look for women who look like they are from the same backgrounds as you. You will probably find them easier to get along with than the South American Indian girl who you have nothing in common with. This is not to say don’t be adventurous once in awhile, but your best bet is to stick with women in your socio-economic background.
Look for situations at the bar where you can position yourself to meet women easier. For example, do you notice an empty chair next to an appealing woman at the bar – go over and stand beside the empty chair or ask her if the seat is taken – see what her response is – if it is negative, back away, if positive, move in and get to know her. Another approach is to stand very close to the dance floor – look for women who look like they want to dance – they are good prospects as long as dancing is not all they want to do.
Look for women who look like they have downed a couple of drinks already and appear to be having or looking for a real good time. Stay away from the women who look miserable and appear to be not enjoying themselves – they can be nasty sometimes and can kill your outlook and confidence.
I hope you agree that prospecting is a worthwhile activity. It can save you wasted time and effort on women that are not interested in you. Find the women that want to meet you!
Identifying good prospects or women you would like to meet is a very important and useful activity in a bar. Everybody does some prospecting or exploring at the clubs, but I would like to suggest that this activity be a little more specific. Often times, if we are anxious, we may tend to approach the wrong women for us in our haste to make a connection. This can be a waste of time for both you and her if you constantly approach women who really are not your type. It pays to take the time to scan the entire bar each night to make sure you have seen and been seen by all or most of the women. In this way you may make a better choice of women to meet; not only the ones that you are attracted to, but also the women that find you attractive.
If you were buying a car, you probably would not buy the first car you saw. You would more likely look at a variety of cars analyzing such things as competitive prices, colors, options, and then deciding which car is the most desirable choice for you. The same process should be used when deciding upon which woman you would like to approach. You would analyze the women in the bar, reviewing such things as looks, dress, aromas, moods, location in bar, and vibes they give off. Then choose the ones that appeal to you the most.
When prospecting in bars, there are lots of things that you should be observation and analyzing. Good prospecting demands good use of your observations and listening powers. It also involves sending out subtle or not so subtle messages indicating your interest in women you are attracted to. Bring the process down to earth. Picture the women with whom you would feel most comfortable talking to. Imagine how these women (the ones you see yourself getting along with) would be dressed, what kind of hairstyle would they have, how old, what kind of body, what kind of posture and motions do they have, etc., etc. Next, try to spot this kind of woman in the bar that night – really look around for her even in the dark corners. Depending on how high your standards are, you may or may not be able to find this ideal woman that night. If you can’t find her, you may be faced with changing your standards, or checking out another bar. Obviously, your choice would depend on your goal for the evening. Checking out other bars could be expensive (cover charges) and time-wasting (traffic, lines at the door), but it may be worth it if the bars you have been to are not turning up what you are looking for.
Let’s say you decide to stay at a given bar. Pick out a few women that appeal to you. Walk by them and try to get a sense for what they are like through listening to what they are talking about to their friend, observing them, their mannerisms, noting the strength of their perfume, and their reaction to you looking at them (do they smile at you, look away, etc.). What you are doing is gathering information much like a salesman would in determining the likelihood of making a sale. The more information you can gather, the easier it will be for you to compare this knowledge to your prior successes with women and make a judgment as to whether to proceed or not. You will probably find that over time you will have more or less luck with certain types of women. You will want to prospect for the types you have had the most luck with based on past experience or gut feel.
Before you even approach women you can often tell how receptive they are to you. You can try a couple of things to test out their reaction to you without speaking. Really look them right in the eyes for a few seconds – see what happens – do they look back? Smile at them – do they continue to face you, turn their back to you, walk away? The more a woman is receptive to your non-speaking, early advances, the easier it will be for you to meet them and start a conversation. Really try to notice subtle or not so subtle positive or negative cues that a woman gives off. Without even speaking to her you will be able to size up your chances of getting acquainted with her. Always look for pleasant, responsive smiles or looks from women and react to them accordingly. Most of the time men will make the move to meet the woman, but she can certainly make it a lot easier with a nice, preconversation, come hither smile or look.
Dress and Appearance (Cont.)
Well made and attractive sports jackets, sweaters, and dress shirts are also very appropriate attires in bars. Try to pick out items that fit well, especially if you have a good body. Show off the more desirable parts of your body — wear tighter slacks if you have muscular legs, for example, or a form fitting shirt if you have a nice chest. Keep imagining yourself as a product to be sold to customers (women) and packaged in the most desirable way. So give your appearance close scrutiny before going out. Try to pick out clothing styles and colors which make you look good — wear clothes that you get complimented on the most. You could even adopt the services of a color consultant. They can match your skin tones and hair colors with colors that make you look your best. For example, some people with dark, black hair look good in reds and violets, others may look awful in these colors. Experiment with different types of clothing and colors to see what gets results from women. They will often compliment you on good taste in clothing.
Grooming is also very important. Nothing can turn off a woman more than unwashed, greasy hair, body odor, dirty fingernails, and generally an unkempt appearance. Always make sure you have showered, combed your hair, and taken care of basic hygiene. This is a very basic but extremely important step before heading out to the bars. Also slapping on some good cologne (not cheap stuff) is often appreciated and noticed by women. It is not that expensive and can be the icing on the cake towards getting a phone number.
Hereditary unattractive traits, such as loss of hair, big noses, and excess weight, can be worked around with clothes to deemphasize and neutralize. Women are experts at this – just watch them do it. For example, overweight women often will wear dark clothing or draping outfits which deemphasize their shapes. Women with unattractive faces will have attractive hair styles, bright, trendy, tight fitting clothes that take your attention away from their big noses. With clothes you can steer the areas of focus.
If you are overweight, wear a loose fitting dark suit that covers you up. If you are bald, wear a bright tie and beautiful suit to attract attention away from your head to your clothes. Or you could purchase a good toupee, get transplants, grow a beard, get a tan, or style what hair you do have in an attractive way. Grey hair can be touched up, fly away hair permed, curly hair straightened, etc., etc.
The bottom line is appearance is extremely important, and whatever you can do to emphasize your good points and deemphasize the undesirable – do it!
Dress and Appearance
Most women are attracted to success, wealth, excitement, and adventure. If you can project these qualities through your appearance and dress, women will certainly be attracted to you. If you were a woman, wouldn’t you want to meet exciting, successful men? Well, so do they.
The trick to meeting women is not necessarily being rich, famous, or successful, but looking like you are rich, famous, or successful. This can be accomplished through your wardrobe. I may have a very low paying job, but if I have a nice looking suite with a nice tropical tan (especially in the northern U.S. winters), I could sure fool a lot of people into thinking I am pretty well off. The idea here is not that you are trying to be dishonest, but rather, you are presenting yourself in the very best, positive light with your best foot forward. Many women who do not have a dime have a very nice outfit, and why do you think that is? To meet a man, of course. You do the same, and do not feel one bit embarrassed about it.
Clothing is a disguise, it can make or break you. I could one minute look like a successful lawyer, the next, a sports figure, the next, a drunken bum. All these changes could be made through a simple change of clothes. You must decide what image you would like to project, and then dress accordingly. However, depending on the type of bar or nightclub, you may want to adjust the look you want. For example, in a fancy hotel lounge you may want to wear a sweater with jeans, and at a beachfront bar you may want to be seen with a pair of shorts with a tank top. You would want to adapt your dress to the type of bar you plan on going to, along with blending in with the other men in the bar. But no matter what you mind up wearing, make it good quality, projecting a look of a successful, exciting man.
Dressing yourself is comparable to packing a product in the marketing sense. Obviously you want to sell the product – you. The way you do this is to package your product in the most attractive way you can. When you go grocery shopping for a particular item, many times the products are all basically the same, however, the product with the most appealing packaging is the one that will catch your eye. The same is true with women shopping for men in bars, they will often be attracted t the men who have the most attractive appearance.
A lot of women will appreciate a man who is dressed up in a nice fitting suit made from good material – being clothes fanatics themselves, most women can spot quality quickly. Clothes are often the very first thing a woman will notice about a man – so why not attract their attention to you with nice clothes? Good suits are specially attractive on many men because they can represent authority, power, success, and business like ambition. It symbolizes a lot of positive attributes which are especially attractive to women. Wear suits as often as you can to bars, if the atmosphere allows it.
If you cannot afford to buy a quality suit, even at discount outlets or during sales, buy one that at least fits well and appears as if it is made from good material (remember, most bars are dimly lit). You may want suits which are appropriate business styles such as charcoal gray or blue pin stripes. Try not to buy suits with very loud colors or those which may be out of style. Watch closely what the well-dressed men in your town or the bar you are in wear, and imitate their colors and styles.
Buying a suit is not a necessity in meeting women in bars (especially in less formal locations), but it certainly can’t hurt, and may put you strides ahead of your competition – other men. Wearing a suit in bars where most men do not, (differentiating yourself in marketing terminology) may give you some exciting results from our female fans. Lots of women like men who are not afraid to be different, and you may be noticed more by some of the lovelies.
Your attitude about yourself in the process of meeting women is a very important ingredient for your chances of success. Upon embarking out on an evening of nightclubbing, your attitude should be very positive towards assuming you will have a good time, being spontaneous with women, and really going for it. With this attitude, you will have a far better chance of mingling and talking with women. If you go out with a negative attitude, with feelings like, “I am not attractive, or in the mood, or feeling confident,” then your chances of being successful are greatly diminished. The great golfers who win tournaments consistently always play with the attitude that they are going to win. This attitude hits the subconscious mind and draws out of them their best performances – it puts them in an automatic pilot approach towards their goals – relentlessly pursuing them. You should do the same at your club.
To consistently be successful in meeting women, you must become thick skinned. You must realize in the back of your head that you may not have a good time, and that you may not succeed in meeting a woman that night, or even over a series of nights. A good, positive outlook will take through the dry spells and through any bad times. Your good outlook will allow you to realize that even if you are not having a good time at the moment, in a matter of seconds it could change to having an excellent time – meeting a woman can happen that fast in a club. You must always remember that you will be successful, you will meet your goal – maybe not tonight, this week or this month, but you will succeed. You must learn, when you hear the word no or other negative feedback from women, to let it roll off you like water off a duck’s back – nothing can take you off your goal or shake you.
Did you know that even though Babe Ruth was the Home Run King, he also was the Strike Out King? This same idea is so very appropriate in meeting women. Unless you are a very special person, you are going to be turned down by some women in trying to meet them. Some nights you may not get turned down at all, other nights you may get turned down by all you try to meet – some percentage of the time you will run into this phenomenon. You have to learn to deal with this rejection, and you do it by bearing in mind the sweet fruits of success, be it making wild, passionate love to a sex starved woman, having a great conversation with a woman you really like, or dancing with a woman who has an incredible body. You do not want to be down on yourself no matter how bad things look. You may ask nine girls to dance, but the tenth one invites you back to her apartment for drinks or whatever. Always picture in mind the good that can happen – go out with the idea that you are going to hit a home run. Always bear in mind when things are bad, that quickly, instantly, hey can completely change – so always be willing to get up to bat or you can’t get the home run.
Positive thinking is extremely important in bars and with life in general. To be successful at any endeavor requires some degree of positive thinking and self-confidence. You have got to believe that you are a desirable person to be met, and that others will be attracted to you. Waves of positive thoughts should accompany you through the rejections you will receive form females. Never give up no matter how bad it seems or how late it is. It is like a guy in the desert, who in dire need of water, keeps on walking until he finds the oasis. If he did not believe the oasis existed, he probably would have never bothered to look for it and would die in the process.
Let’s say that you are taking up golf as your new hobby. The first few times you hit the ball, it certainly will not be doing the things you would like it to. But if you keep practicing, trying new approaches, studying techniques, and most importantly, believing that you will hit it better – then you will improve. If you didn’t have this attitude, your probably would become easily discouraged and give the game up. Nobody wants to give up and consider themselves a loser, and I am sure you don’t either. Get in the game, ask women to dance, talk to them – be very persistent and learn from your mistakes and I am sure you will find yourself doing what you want to.
Take action, believe in yourself, get off your ass, stop making excuses about yourself, and you will become a much happier and more successful individual. Every man wants to meet women, and you will be doing it – believe it!
Knowledge of Self (Cont.)
This is another trait which has to gauged by the women with whom you are meeting. In bars (depending on the type), you can face wide ranges of intelligence levels. If you are intelligent, you would most likely want to meet a woman with a good mind, unless, of course, carnal pleasure is your ultimate goal for the evening and her body and aroma are more important to you. You can only find an intelligent woman by conversing with various women until you find the right one – it is hard to prejudge just based on her looks. If intelligence is not your strongest suit, there are plenty of women in bars who are not Phi-Beta Kapa’s. You should have no problem in meeting someone of average or lesser intelligence. If you are not the intellectual type yourself but want to meet someone who is, you may have a more difficult time unless your other attributes can cover your deficiencies there well. For example, you may have had a very interesting life which could keep the intellectual female stimulated for a long time. The secret again is capitalizing on your strengths and neutralizing your weaknesses.
Not all of us are the real fun loving types – we may be a bit subdued about our pleasures in life. However, we can be beautiful, strong, happy and healthy. Maybe you consider yourself to be boring. The woman you are talking to may find you to be just the opposite despite what you think. However, you must have confidence enough to try to project yourself to be a person who is not boring. Nobody is really boring – it is just a matter of using your mind to uncover interesting things you have done or expressing funny things that happened to you. Maybe the fun loving girl you are talking to will invite you in to her fun loving life and it will rub off on you.
Very few of us are the very best at what we do. Most of us are just average performers putting in a day’s work. However, to be really good at something, really talented, it requires a lot of time and effort devoted to the particular endeavor. Women like to be paid attention to, and that means having available time to spend with them. Talented people who must work long hours to maintain their talents can be poor at developing relationships due to their exceptional abilities. There are many more important traits in a man that a woman would find more appealing. Many women would rather be with a man who is loving, fun, and normal.
Very few of us can claim to be millionaires, or even close to it. Most of us are just making average livings, worrying about our next mortgage or car payment. We do not drive Ferraris or wear Brooks Brothers’ suits. There are a very limited number of wealthy men in the world, so the vast majority of women are going to be meeting men who are making average or less than average livings – pure statistics. So don’t worry about not being a high wage earner. Love is much more important than money – ask any woman. Money is not the key to happiness. Keep in mind the attention you can give to a woman, the fun you have together. Getting to know someone intimately is much more rewarding than counting your money. So if you do not have much money or do not earn much, do not let it be a deterrent to meeting women; emphasize your other qualities. Remember, who wants a woman to want you only for your money? Your future plans to be successful may sway her to buy in to your potential also – women always look at potential in a man.
Everybody is interesting in some way. There is no such thing as a boring person. It is just a matter of bringing the interesting or fun parts of you to the surface. If you feel that you are unexciting or boring to women, maybe you are talking to the wrong ones, or they just haven’t seen your good side. Learn how to recognize the interesting parts of your life and relate them to the women you are meeting. Do not sell yourself short; toot your own horn a little bit on exciting things you have done or interesting people you have met. A little exaggeration here and there will not hurt either. Also, your future plans, ideas, and challenges ahead can be appealing to women if presented in an exciting way.
If you are not a happy person – do not despair – lots of other people are not either, although they may appear to be happy. Many women are not happy since they have not met the right man, maybe they have a lousy job, or are unhappy for a host of other reasons. You don’t have to be happy with yourself in life to meet women. Happiness is an elusive trait. If you are not happy, you are certainly not alone, but you may want to analyze the problem and try to do something about it – in the meantime pretend that you are happy – it is easier to meet women if you appear happy and full of life than depressed. Marketing and selling yourself to women is very appearance oriented – if you appear happy – you will have a much better chance of a connection. Besides, you will be very happy when she hands over her phone number.
I hope that I have convinced you that you can overcome any shortcomings you have by emphasizing other areas in your life – practice doing this with your friends and relatives – talk about your strengths not your weaknesses – think positive and good things will happen for you. Believe it!
Knowledge of Self
Successfully meeting women in bars is the result of a well thought out selling strategy. You (the product) are selling yourself in the marketplace (the bar) to the market (the women in the bar). A good selling strategy is one built upon a solid knowledge of your competition (other men) and how you can compete against them.
A good salesman knows his product well and why his product is better than his competitors’ (or at least has a good story). So, in the bar situation, you must know yourself well and how you can successfully market yourself to women. A good car salesman will talk all day about the car’s good points but will never tell you about its problems (recalls, transmission problems, etc.) or its high price relative to the lot down the street. You must do the same with women — emphasize your good points, do not talk about your weaknesses. Try to really confront the question of why women would be interested and attracted to you. Write them down and play up to these in the bar.
There are many, many attributes in men which appeal to women. All women are different and are attracted to men for an incredible variety of reasons. You must attempt to find out what qualities in yourself, when emphasized and marketed, will attract and hold a woman’s attention.
Let’s review some attributes in men that women find attractive — think about yours as you read:
If you are good looking, most, if not all women, would be attracted to you. Of course this is individual taste, where some think you are handsome and others may think you are not. However, I think most of us know whether we are good looking or not, based on comments we have received from other people. Being good looking is certainly a desirable trait to have in meeting women.
This is another attribute of a physical nature which many women find extremely attractive in a man. If you wear clothes that indicate good taste and good breeding, and which fit well, often times women will be very attracted to you, even if you do not have a good body to match.
Very often, you will see very physically unattractive men who will attract women in droves because they are so conversant, full of life, articulate, and are good story tellers. This trait may be the most important trait to have in meeting women — you have got to converse with women effectively to get phone numbers.
Lots of women like intelligent men who have lots of good ideas and can think. Women are impressed and fascinated by an intelligent man who can demonstrate his brain power inoffensively.
Some women go for guys who love to party, have fun, and in general have a good time. If a guy is fun to be with, other attributes may not be important at all — it’s just party time!
Lots of women are attracted to men who are talented at something. Whether it be a good mechanic, musician, artist, athlete, salesman, or bar tender. Talent in a given area can be very attractive attributes in a man. Try to let your woman listener know what your talents are. (Do not overdo it, though.)
Almost all women are attracted to men with wealth or the potential for wealth. Sometimes it may be the all important trait — it is something perceived to be closely tied with success and happiness. But I think none of us would want someone who just loves us for our money. But money can certainly impress females.
Women love men who are interesting. Maybe the gentleman has lived all over the world, lived through an incredible event, met unusual people, had an exciting job, works with world famous people, etc., etc. A man who is interesting can keep a woman’s interest for a long, long time.
Women love men who project happiness and really enjoy life. A happy, smiling man can own a woman’s heart in no time.
The above list of attributes is by no means complete. There are many other attributes in men which women find attractive. List out your attributes and capitalize on them when you are meeting women.
Say that for a minute you do not possess some of the qualities we have talked about — what can you do? Weaknesses or deficiencies in these areas can be overcome or deemphasized. Let’s take each attribute we have talked about and come up with a strategy for dealing with it even if you are not strong in these areas.
Let’s say for purposes of discussion that you are physically very unattractive. In this case, you would have to sell your other, more important traits, or do something to improve your looks. I once worked with a woman who had an extremely unattractive face, however, she really made up for it by emphasizing other areas. She worked on her body at the gym so much that all the men in the office agreed that she had the best body in the building. Always tanned in the summer, she wore very sexy clothes and had developed an incredible walk. She wore a stunning hair style so that the attention was taken away from her face. Lots of men asked her out. Good looks are not the most important quality, but certainly help in attracting women. If you don’t have good looks, work on your body, your dress, your hair, and develop your other attributes. Neutralize your appearance, if you can. Also, do not rule out plastic surgery and other medical procedures which could improve your looks immensely. The expense to do these things may be well worth it in terms of your happiness.
If you are not a good dresser, at least attempt to develop a wardrobe that is at least neutral to the observing eye. Poor dress can totally turn off a woman, especially if everyone around you is well dressed. Learn to dress well by observing well dressed men in the bars or clipping out pictures of well dressed men in magazines and imitating their styles. If money is a problem, try to concentrate on fit and proper color matching rather than materials quality. Often, if clothes fit well, quality is not noticed. If your body size or shape is a problem, you should at least try to gain or lose weight, or work out to get to a more normal size. If you cannot gain or lose weight, try to wear clothes that are neutral in color and style, forego flashy outfits that would call attention to your body.
This is one area that is extremely important in meeting women in bars. It is virtually impossible to meet women without being a least a fair conversationalist unless your other traits, such as good looks or dress, can mesmerize them. To be a good conversationalist you must be flexible enough so that you can direct your conversation to the type of woman you are talking to. If you are quiet, for example, you would probably want to attract a talkative woman, so that conversation could flow. It would be very difficult to keep up a lively conversation if both of you were quiet and at a loss for words. You can find a talkative women by listening in on conversations of women in a group — she will be easy to pick out if you casually stand near the group. Try talking with various women until you find a talkative one. If you tend to talk too much, you would probably want to find a quiet woman who would be delighted to hear good, long stories. It might be difficult for two people who both talk a lot to get along — or maybe not. So much if the ability to converse is recognizing and developing your shortcomings and working on them with practice, through trial and error. Keep trying various styles of communication until you find the ones that work for you. You will be able to judge how well your talent is developing by the woman’s attention span and her desire to further get to know you.
Whether you are aware of it or not, when you set out to one of those nocturnal establishments, you usually have some goals or objectives in mind. These goals, which you set for yourself consciously or unconsciously, may change during the course of the evening for a variety of reasons, any one of which may relate to your progress towards achieving your objective.
Let’s think of some objectives we may have in going out to a nightclub: to find a sexual partner for the evening, to find a nice girl for a possible, future serious relationship, to hear a good band, to get wasted, to get a phone number, to dance up a storm, to meet the elusive blond that got way last Friday night, to slow dance with a girl possessing a great body, to make the scene, to have some fun, to do some serious drinking, to get out of the house, to gawk at all the foxes, to rank the patrons with your friends, etc., etc.
I think you will agree that the real objective for people going to nightclubs, even though there are other reasons for going, is to meet someone, to form some sort of relationship. This relationship can vary significantly from a short term fling to a long term romance. Let’s explore the various relationship lengths versus what you specifically are interested in.
Short Term Relationship
Here the objective might be to meet a woman for the evening. Maybe you just need an intense sex or conversation dosage for that evening only, for whatever the reason. Maybe you just broke up with someone and you do not want to get too involved with anyone. Anyway, you just want to score, to get a sexual partner that night. This is probably one of the most difficult objectives to accomplish. You are going to have to be aggressive, quick to decide whether or not to pursue or not pursue each encounter, probably be less choosy in the woman’s looks/personality, and constantly be aware of your desire to close. On the other hand, you may just want to pursue a woman with whom you just want some good conversation. You may feel an all consuming desire to relate your latest promotion, vacation, or life story to some lucky female. You have an intense desire to communicate with a woman that evening, and it cannot wait. In this case you still may have to be somewhat aggressive; however, the woman’s receptive personality is much more important to you than her gyrating body.
Medium Term Relationship
Here, again, for whatever reasons you care to insert, you may just want to meet a fun loving girl to have a few dates with, nothing serious, just a good time. Maybe the type of woman you would like to settle with is hard to find, so you just want to be with someone moderately compatible for short periods of time in the interim from your long term search. In looking for a medium range relationship, the important qualifications in your ideal woman could be missing entirely. Maybe you just want some shorter term fun and hopefully so would she. Your approach towards meeting an objective of this sort may be less aggressive with more tolerance towards personality differences. It may take you a number of nights to get a phone number, but so what? You are in no hurry and have no real need to have something that evening. A lot of pressure is off you in this situation; you don’t absolutely have to do anything that night in terms of meeting someone.
Long Term Relationship
The objective in this situation may be to find and develop a long term relationship, possibly a live-in arrangement or marriage. You probably would be very quality conscious here, making sure that your potential mate has all or most of the attributes which you find important. A lot of people believe that bars are not the places to find marriage partners, and relationships that started in bars do not last. I do not agree with these outlooks. A very high percent of all people who form relationships met in bars. Most women, no matter how they have been brought up, will at least occasionally go to a bar. Most women who go to bars are your ordinary, average women, who are not “bad girls.” There are plenty of “nice” girls who go to bars regularly for many assorted reasons. People should not concentrate on where or how they met – they should concentrate on the qualities of the person they are talking to and whether or not they are compatible. Anyway, the objective of wanting to meet a female for a long term relationship usually is a long term objective. You cannot expect to meet the woman of your dreams every time you go out. It could take years to meet the right one for you. In a bar, this is a situation with the least amount of pressure on yourself. You don’t care that particular night whether you meet someone or not because your standards are high. The process of meeting someone is a slower, more patient one in this case. Of course, there are those of us who want to quickly get into a long term relationship – this may not be a good idea considering the divorce rate these days.
Decide where you are in terms of what length relationship you want, and adjust your behavior accordingly in the bar situation. How aggressive on a given night you need to be depends on your short and long term goals.
Types of Bars
As you know, there are many different types of bars and nightclubs. Let’s think about a few types; collegiate bars, piano bars, discotheques, hotel lounges, Irish bars, restaurant bars, sing-a-long bars, bars with live bands, New Wave, casual, formal, city, country western, small, large, oldies, dating bars, jock bars, professional bars, and the list goes on and on. You should try out the various types of bars in your city and/or surrounding area to find the ones you feel most comfortable in, the ones where you have had some success in. Those are the ones where you want to spend your time. Do not go to bars that you do not feel comfortable in, since the women you will be approaching may notice your discomfort and it may be disruptive to the conversation. If you feel uncomfortable in all bars, then you probably need to really analyze the causes and try to work on correcting them. Reading the following pages may help you decide what is causing the discomfort and what to do about it. It may be that you feel self-conscious about your looks or dress, or that the bar is new to you. Either way, I hope the ideas presented in this book will help you overcome these concerns.
So pick out the bars you feel comfortable in, where there are lots of women and where you can have some fun. If you live in a town where the bar scene is not so good, you may want to consider going out of town on weekends to desirable places that do have good bars. If you are new to an area, you may want to try every bar to get a first-hand analysis, or I find the best way is to ask women you run into where they go — that usually works.
My best advice on picking out bars to go is to find a place that works best for you. But don’t lock yourself into one or two if there are others around. Sometimes, especially in larger cities where there are lots of bars, the in-bars can change like the wind. One bar that is hot over the summer may not be the best place to go in the fall. Keep your eyes and ears open for the places to go — times change and you need to change with them. Talk to people in the bars and ask them where they go to — you may be missing out on a super place. There are advantages and disadvantages to being a “regular” customer to a certain bar. If you are a regular, you may find that this allows you to meet women who do not like to meet total strangers. This could be truer in smaller towns, where women like to have a least seen you around a couple of times before talking to you — it is reassuring to them. In other occasions, women who are regulars themselves want to meet new men and not the regulars they see every week. Again, you have to judge what is best for you based on trial and error in your situation. Talk to other men who are doing well with meeting women — check out their ideas on this subject.
Why Bars? (Part 3)
Lighting — As you know, most bars are dimly lit, offering an even further enhancement for encouraging people to meet. Don’t you look a little better when you are not on display under florescent lights or bright daylight? Some of your imperfections may not be visible at all in a bar. Isn’t this another plus situation for both you and her, especially in the first meeting?
Atmosphere — Most women who go to bars are looking forward to a night of fun – most likely they are in good moods. Your chances of success are much higher if the women are in good moods that night. I believe that it is more likely that the women in bars are in better moods than, say, they would be at work or in other situations. At bars, women are dancing, talking and really enjoying themselves – this is the best atmosphere for getting acquainted.
Power of Choice — When your friends or relatives set you up on a blind date, you are relying on their judgment as to whether you will like her. Why not keep this control to yourself? I would much rather choose my date for the evening than to have someone else do it, wouldn’t you? Also, when your friend sets you up for a date – you have just that – a date for the night. It could be a complete waste of your time and money since you may not get along with her at all, and you might be taking her out for a $50 dinner. In a bar you could talk to someone for 10 minutes without even buying her a drink and find out quickly that you do not like her. Then you are off to the next table for another attempt. Doesn’t a bar offer you more choices, more variety, and more power to decide which women you want to approach for a lot less time and money? Think about it.
I am sure that there are many other good reasons for going to bars, but I think we have hit all the important ones. I hope that you agree with me that bars are the very best places to meet women.
Why Bars? (Part 2)
Cost/Time Investment Consideration – Adopting the services of a dating service can be a veryexpensive proposition. Not only because of the cost for service, but also because you are paying for the cost of the date (i.e., dinner, theatre, etc.). If you are not a big drinker and do not buy others lots of drinks, bars can be a very inexpensive way of meeting women. When you walk into a bar there could be as many as 50 available, attractive women. If you are somewhat assertive, you could conceivably get one or two women’s phone numbers in one night. See if you could do that through a dating service or at the laundry room for such little cost to you. In searching for women to meet there are costs involved – time and money. I believe in keeping my time spent and money outflow to a minimum in my search. Let’s face it, you have to usually talk to a number of women to find the one you like and the one that likes you. If you are relying on friends to supply you with women you are severely lengthening the time necessary to meet women. How many women do your friends know and how often would you be able to meet them?
Motivational Factors – How often could you run into a women jogging or at the bus stop who is motivated to meet a man? Not very often, I would expect. Virtually every woman in bar wants to meet a man. Is that not a better situation for a successful encounter? Let’s talk about the beach, where there could be hundreds of available females. Not a bad place to meet women, but how can you sort out the available ones without making a major effort? Most women at bars are there specifically to meet a man – what better situation. You will have to do some sorting out for women attractive to you at bars, but isn’t the task a little more manageable than doing it at a five mile long beach?
Influence of Alcohol – Most people’s inhibitions are reduced under the influence of alcohol. Most people in bars do drink (some maybe too much) and therefore might be more assertive and approachable than under ordinary circumstances. Is this not another good reason for meeting women in bars? Not only are the women motivated to meet men, but they may be less inhibited. How can you ask for more?
Searching For Robert Harrington Part 1
There is no information online about How to Successfully Meet Women in Bars or its author, Robert Harrington. The book doesn’t have an ISBN. It is a mystery.
I would like to know more about Mr. Harrington: where he’s from, his education, what research he conducted for the book, how much money he made from it, and so on. Using what little information the book provides, as well as the internet, I will track him down and interview him.
On the title page we see that HTSMWIB was published by Symphony Press, INC., which is based in Tenafly, NJ. On the next line down is the phrase “From Logic to Magic.” Perhaps From Logic to Magic is a series of books about meeting women? “Logic” being the tools you learn from the books and “Magic” being sexual intercourse with a woman?
I google “Symphony Press Tenafly.” There is no website for the publishing house. Some outdated directory pages have it listed, but they don’t supply any pertinent information on Symphony.
The last result on the first results page is from Google Books. It’s a page from The Nick Tosches Reader. According to Wikipedia, Tosches is a rock n’ roll journalist who’s written for Creem, Vanity Fair and Rolling Stone. He’s also written biographies of Jerry Lee Lewis and Dean Martin, among other figures. The Nick Tosches Reader is a collection of his work that was published by Da Capo Press in 2000.
I click on the link.
It takes me to the first page of Chapter 62, which is called How to Pick Up Girls in Alabama. The pertinent passage is: “For some years now, certain bookstores in New York City have been selling, quite steadily, a paperback guide entitled How to Pick Up Girls. Symphony Press in nearby Tenafly, New Jersey, offers an entire line of mail-order books that are ‘exclusively devoted to helping you do better with girls.’”
Just as I suspected, HTSMWIB is part of a series. But perhaps it was only sold through the mail. After all, it doesn’t have an ISBN or a barcode.
I google “How to Pick up girls book.” Turns out, its title is actually How to Pick Up Girls!, with an exclamation point. Its subtitle is: The fool-proof guide to meeting women without a formal introduction. The author? Eric Weber. That name rings a bell. Of course: Eric Weber is listed (perhaps as the publisher?) on the title page of HTSMWIB. A crack in the case.
Things to consider: Who is Eric Weber? Could he lead me to Harrington? Will I need to spend time in Tenafly to truly understand this book?
Why Bars? (Part 1)
In literally every good size city or town in the U.S. there are bars (night clubs, taverns, dating bars, or whatever you would like to call them) with many, many girls available to be met. Almost any night of the week (except maybe Mondays and Tuesdays, although weekends are best) you can find some bar in your surrounding area with women there drinking, talking, dancing, and having a good time. What other situation can you think of that could live up to the quantities of available women in bars night after night? I could not think of any.
Let’s think of some reasons why bars are such good places to meet women.
Pure Statistics—People talk about meeting women at work, at the beach, through friends, through dating services, at the park, at the laundry room, and at the bus stop. However, by the time you sort out all the unavailable ones (married, have boyfriends, unattractive, etc.), what do you really have left? How often do you even see an attractive woman at the bust stop let alone meet her? I believe that to increase your chances of meeting women you should be in places where there are more quantities of available women on a consistent basis. Your best chance of meeting women, statistically speaking, are bars night after night.